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Toxic relationships. What are the signs of a toxic relationship?

Toxic relationships are a very serious modern problem that more and more people in the world are facing. Psychologists call a toxic relationship a relationship in which the partners do not respect each other, there is competition and the partners try to oppress each other.

All relationships go through ups and downs because there is no such thing as a “perfect relationship”. However, toxic relationships are always unpleasant and rob people of all their strength, and the negative in such a relationship is far more than the positive. Toxic relationships cause psychological, emotional and possibly even physical harm to one or both partners. In the worst case, unfortunately, such a relationship can lead to degradation and even a fatal outcome.

At the beginning of the relationship, we all have “rose-colored glasses” and we idealize our partner. In addition, in a toxic relationship, the partner may initially present himself in a completely different way than he really is. It can happen unconsciously and it can be done consciously.

It is important to diagnose toxic relationships, right from the start. Because the nature of toxic relationships is that the longer they go on, the harder it is to end. Such a relationship is like walking deeper and deeper into a swamp, and you are driving yourself into this swamp. There are several signs that can indicate a toxic relationship, which we will discuss in this article.

Why is he toxic? Is it my fault?

Women have a tendency to blame themselves for all relationship problems, but that’s not always the case. Such self-blame and looking for problems in oneself is related to a woman’s self-esteem, upbringing and attitude towards herself and the world. People become toxic in relationships sometimes consciously, but sometimes it happens unconsciously and the person themselves does not realize that they are toxic. The reasons are often hidden in the subconscious of such a person, but of course there are also people who do it completely consciously and purposefully. Perhaps these people have been very disappointed in relationships, or have not had a loving family relationship as a child, or have been abused at school or in the family. Often the reason for such behavior is a mental disorder, and in that case only a doctor can help. But this is certainly no reason to feel sorry for them. Whatever the reasons, there is no excuse for this behavior.

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Also, you should remember that you will definitely not be able to change a toxic partner. A person can change only if he really wants to and on his own initiative. If a partner does this, then the probability that he will change is very minimal, close to zero. This can happen only if there is a disaster in his life or a strong blow that affects him and makes him rethink his whole life. But such cases are very rare. Also, if you are currently in a toxic relationship and, for example, your partner changes, it is more likely that he will end his relationship with you and start a relationship with someone else. Because the role of your victim will no longer be interesting for him and he will look for an equal partner if he has changed. Unfortunately, this is the unpleasant reality faced by thousands of people around the world.

Signs of a toxic relationship

1.The time spent together no longer has a positive or negative effect on the achievement of your goals and growth. A healthy relationship is based on a mutual desire to succeed in all areas of life. In a toxic relationship, any partner’s achievement turns into a competition, the competition only grows. No matter what happens, your partner is as if by himself. You lack security and support.

2.Most of your communication consists of sarcasm, criticism, condemnation or even open expressions of hatred. For example, your partner may make offensive, sarcastic comments about your behavior or appearance, and this happens almost every time or every time you meet. the negative that is directed in your direction far outweighs the positive. Perhaps you have even reached a stage where your partner only speaks negatively about you. Such an attitude can undermine your self-confidence in the long term, without you even noticing it. This sign can manifest itself in the way that a man often speaks positively about other women in your presence, but never pays you any compliments at all. It is like a hidden contempt for you. It can also manifest itself as continuous stinging “joking” about you. Can a partner say such toxic phrases as, for example, “Who else needs you without me!”, “Without me you will be nothing”, “What you think up, it’s all just your imagination!”. A partner can also belittle everything that you like and try to slow down your development. For example, you watch a program about business in which an entrepreneur is interviewed, because you are interested in business. But this person says something along the lines of: “What nonsense are you watching? What a stupid show. Who watches such stupidity, some fool speaks, who has stolen everything”, etc. Of course, these signs must be seen in the context of everything else that happens in the relationship and, most importantly, how you feel. And not always exactly these phrases will mean that the relationship is toxic. It can also simply mean that you have completely different opinions and views on life with your partner and you are not suitable for each other.

3.Another toxic sign, and one that should definitely not be in a toxic relationship, is envy. In a loving, open relationship, people do not hurt each other, but rejoice in their partner’s success.

4.Toxic relationships can also be indicated by excessive control on the part of the partner, which manifests itself as continuous asking where you are, what you are doing now. Self-control can be a conscious form of manipulation, but it can also be an unconscious tendency to control. Either way it’s not good. Such control, in some cases, means that the partner controls where you are, for purely “logistical” reasons, so as not to accidentally run into you with another woman with whom he is cheating on you. Of course, this is not always the case, but very often in toxic relationships, the partner also tends to cheat.

5.A toxic relationship is mainly characterized by a process in which you or your partner take offense at something. Over time, dissatisfaction or resentment will only increase and create a bigger gap in the relationship.

6.Disrespect for your feelings, you and your time is another sign of a toxic relationship. If he independently delays meetings, changes plans, creates a feeling of confusion and ignorance in you, all this is a sign of a toxic relationship. A man who loves you and has true intentions will respect you and value your time. Disregarding your feelings can manifest itself in such a way that, for example, you try to talk about something that hurts or worries you, but you are not listened to at all or are told that it’s all nonsense, that you worry about such stupid things, it’s all yours fiction etc.

7.Constant stress over a relationship is definitely not a sign of a healthy relationship. If you are in a relationship independently in worries, stress and experiences, then this indicates that something is wrong in the relationship.

8.Another thing that can be observed in toxic relationships is the ignoring of your needs and total disregard for you. Any loving man who values a woman will listen to his partner’s needs and try to find some compromises. If your partner does not care at all about what you want, then this is a very negative sign.

9.Another thing that can be a sign of a toxic relationship is if you yourself do things in the relationship that you don’t want to do, for example, do something in sex that you don’t like at all, or cancel all your plans just to meet only when he suddenly announces that he wants to meet. Put up with rare meetings, the fact that he can disappear for several weeks and then appear, etc. This also indicates a toxic relationship, as well as the fact that your self-confidence has already been undermined.

10.A toxic relationship can be evidenced by the fact that your partner prevents you from meeting with girlfriends, colleagues, family, tries to limit communication with other people. Sometimes such toxic partners can do it so skillfully and imperceptibly that without even realizing it, you will be drawn into yourself, avoid contact with other people and wallow in your problems and depression alone. This condition is dangerous.

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If you notice all these signs in your relationship with your loved one, then it may be time to end the relationship. If you notice more and more signs of a toxic relationship with a man, and it begins to affect not only your psychological and emotional state, but also indicates physical violence against you, you should immediately contact the relevant authorities and seek help.

Even if a toxic relationship has not yet escalated to physical abuse, it can completely destroy you psychologically and emotionally and have severe consequences. It can negatively affect your social life, your financial situation and your health.

How to get out of a toxic relationship?

Getting out of a toxic relationship can be very difficult. It often requires the help of other people and it is quite difficult to get out of this evil nightmare alone. especially in cases where such relationships are accompanied by endless cycles of divorce and reconciliation. The point is that in such a relationship your body gets used to continuous stress and becomes addicted to adrenaline. it takes a lot of strength to break such a relationship. the problem often arises that even if you try to end the relationship and start a relationship with someone else, the new partner may seem “boring” to you against the background of previously experienced emotions. Therefore, after such a relationship, it is important to spend time with yourself at first, and to regain self-confidence before starting a new relationship, so as not to fall into the same relationship trap again.

The most important and at the same time the most difficult thing is to end any kind of contact with the toxic partner, block him on all social networks. It is also important to stop all communication with all people who connect you with this person. Because the toxic partner will probably try to contact you through mutual acquaintances. If possible, change the phone number. Warn all your friends and loved ones not to give you messages from this person in case he tries to communicate with you through them.

The second most important thing is to focus on yourself and do things that will increase your self-confidence, for example, focus on a career or a hobby. It doesn’t have to be anything grandiose, but set yourself some achievable goals and go for them. This is a healthy way for you to increase your self-esteem, because as you reach each small goal, you will start to value yourself more. This is the main thing you need to focus on, you need to regain confidence in your abilities. You may also need the help of a psychotherapist who will help you organize your inner world. Remember that you cannot change other people. You can only change yourself!

When you start dating a new partner, carefully evaluate and observe the partner for any of the red flags mentioned in this article.